Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
babies were throwing up all over the place
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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