Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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