Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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