You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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