i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
