I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
