I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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