he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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