I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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