Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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