why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The best revenge is premature balding
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
