Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
