If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
