I hate all girls vehemently.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
