I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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