let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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