If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
