He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
