dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
