Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
