im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
