Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wish my penis had a tongue
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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