our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
