I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
