I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
