Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
