You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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