I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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