Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
