I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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