Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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