How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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