my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize