please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My vagina is officially offended.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
