I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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