I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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