dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
there is glitter all over my balls
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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