I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
