Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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