I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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