fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
