She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
