did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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