these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
