Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
