you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
