3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
