Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
