You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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