textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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