You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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