Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
