I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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