My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
