and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
