So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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