im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
