I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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