so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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