Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
