I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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