I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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