Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
