Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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