The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
