If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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