youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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