I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
