PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wish there were birth control emojis
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize