I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
