If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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