me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize