seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
