My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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