belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
