i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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