he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
