Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
